


Two Sane Dudes Doing Normal Things (And Falling A Little Bit in Love)

by AlwaysASlutForPopcorn



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: DGHDA Valentine's Mini Bang, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Valentine's Day, look at these big dumb boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 19:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17814539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysASlutForPopcorn/pseuds/AlwaysASlutForPopcorn
Summary: Apparently, Dirk really likes Valentine's Day. Apparently, Todd really likes Dirk.





	Two Sane Dudes Doing Normal Things (And Falling A Little Bit in Love)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flightinflame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/gifts).



> Hey all! 
> 
> I've really enjoyed working with the DGHDA Big Bang mods and participant's for the Valentine's Mini Bang this year! This has been a wonderful experience, and I'm so excited to read all of the fics and see all of the art that has been produced this year. 
> 
> HUGE thank you to the wonderful @flightinflame who put up with me coming in a little late and having ridiculous ideas. They created some FANTASTIC moodboards for this fic that I love with all my heart, and can be found here: http://flightinflame.tumblr.com/post/182834467202/moodboards-for-alwaysaslutforpopcorns-work-for
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!! <3

“Hey, Dirk, do we have any more—Jesus Christ, what are you wearing?”

  
Todd somehow managed to keep hold of the coffee mug as his eyes tried to comprehend the absolutely hideous shade of pink that made up Dirk’s current dress shirt.

  
Dirk looked down. “What’s wrong with it?”

  
“Nothing, I guess.” Todd coughed. “At least if you like your retinas being seared out of your skull.”

  
Dirk put his hands on his hips, popping one out as he scowled at Todd. “I am being festive, thank you very much.”

  
“By wearing that?” Todd turned back to his search for coffee beans. “What are you even being festive for?”

  
“Saint Valentine’s Day,” Dirk said, “You do celebrate that here, don’t you?”

  
“Dirk, you’ve lived in America long enough that you can’t keep pretending like you don’t know about traditions here every time you do something awkward.”

  
“There’s a language barrier,” Dirk insisted, clambering up on the counter in order to search for cereal.

  
Todd sighed, moving the drying rack to the left as Dirk’s wayward knee almost knocked it over. “Get down from there, would you? I put the cereal on the table.”

  
“Oh!” Dirk jumped down gleefully, smoothing down his shirt. “Excellent!” He made his way to the table, picking up the box of overly sugared cereal and pouring an ungodly amount into the bowl.

  
Todd made a face, finally digging out half a package of coffee grounds and preparing the pot. “I don’t understand how you eat that stuff.”

  
“It’s good!” Dirk said, his cheeks puffing out.

  
“Whatever you say.” Todd leaned against the counter, listening to the coffee pot burble. “So. Any new cases? What’ve we got going on today?”

  
Dirk shrugged, tilting his head as he chewed. “I haven’t gotten any indications that there is someone who needs our help, but the day is still young, and…” He stopped crunching, eyes falling out of focus as he gazed at something beyond Todd’s shoulder.

  
“Dirk?” Todd asked.

  
A second longer, and then Dirk blinked, almost dropping his bowl. “Oh. Right. Sorry about that.”

  
“Well?”

  
“Well what?”

  
“What did you get?”

  
Dirk took another spoonful of cereal. “You may want to take your coffee to go.”

*******************************************************************************************************************************

They met Farah at a flower shop in the local district of downtown Seattle.

  
“Farah!” Dirk exclaimed, grabbing her hand in excitement as Todd finally caught up with him.

  
Farah patiently removed her hand from Dirk’s grasp, taking in the light red jacket he had paired with his abomination of a shirt. “What are you wearing?”

  
“You don’t like it either?” Dirk pouted. “Neither of you are in the Valentine’s Day spirit, are you?”

  
“Speak for yourself,” a mournful voice said.

  
A young man was standing in front of the shop, looking at it sadly. He was decked out in about as much pink as Dirk, complete with a springy heart headband that made his hair stick out in all different ways. He was wearing an apron that said _Rosie’s Flowers_ across the chest.

  
Dirk looked the other man up and down approvingly. “Nice outfit!”

  
“This is Jeremie,” Farah said, “He opened the shop this morning.”

  
“And now look at it!” Jeremie said, gesturing wildly. “Everything is wrecked!”

  
“Well,” Dirk said, taking a closer look, “Not everything.”

  
He stared pointedly at a large pot with a bright rhododendron in it. Behind it, all of the windows on the shop had been blown out. Flower were strewn everywhere, and as Todd and Dirk peered inside, they could only see piles of soil and flora blanketing the store.

  
“Oh wow, yeah, that’s great,” Jeremie said, “One lousy rhododendron. That’s perfect. That’ll solve all my problems.”

  
“So you just showed up to work and it was like this?” Todd asked.

  
“Not exactly,” Jeremie said, “I got everything ready to open, and came outside to set up our sign.” He pointed at a chalkboard lying face down on the sidewalk. “And suddenly, there was this loud rush and everything just went… boosh.”

  
“Boosh?” Dirk asked.

  
“Boosh,” Jeremie confirmed, making an exploding motion with his hands.

  
“Police are on their way,” Farah said, “But I don’t think it was arson or a gas explosion, so they probably won’t be much help.”

  
“How’d you get here before the police?” Todd asked.

  
“I was getting coffee down the street,” Farah said.

  
“Did you see the ‘boosh’?” Dirk asked excitedly.

  
Farah shook her head. “I didn’t see or hear anything. I just saw Jeremie out here, and wanted to know what happened.”

  
“It’s our busiest day of the year!” Jeremie complained, “And no one is even paying attention to the fact that my life just blew up!”

  
“He’s right,” Todd said, “There’s a suspicious lack of bystanders here.”

  
“It’s like no one’s even noticed,” Dirk said, squatting on the pavement to examine some dirt. “Fascinating.”

  
“Have you seen anything like this before?” Farah asked.

  
“Not exactly,” Dirk said, standing up quickly, bumping into Todd, who swore as his coffee tried to come out of the travel mug. “But it reminds me of a whale!”

  
“In what ways does this remind you of a whale?” Todd said, looking at Dirk incredulously as he brushed coffee droplets off of his coat.

  
“Technicalities,” Dirk said, waving a hand. “We’ll take the case!”

  
“Wait, I never said I wanted—” Jeremie began.

  
“Come, Todd!” Dirk was already halfway down the block.

  
“Is this really a case?” Farah asked, frowning and tapping her fingers on the lid of her coffee cup.

  
Todd shrugged, already following Dirk. “Everything is connected, isn’t it?”

*******************************************************************************************************************************

Dirk trotted around most of the downtown until he finally stopped in front of a candy store.

  
“Ooohhh, Todd!” Dirk gushed, pressing his hands against the glass. “Look!”

  
Todd chuckled, coming up beside him. “You eat way too much sugar.”

  
Dirk rolled his eyes and continued gazing at the rows of candy in front of him. Todd turned to him, smiling fondly as he watched Dirk’s eyes light up at the brightly colored lollipops and chocolate bar wrappers, his heart twitching in his chest, something tingling in the very tips of his fingers as Dirk’s lips twitched as he smiled into the window.

  
Wait, what? Todd blinked, the warmth still lingering in his chest, but he quickly adverted his eyes as Dirk turned back to him.  
“Come on, Todd, let’s go in!”

  
Farah had already left them for the office, claiming to be compiling evidence, but Todd figured that she didn’t really want to follow Dirk around the downtown area. Dirk hadn’t insisted on her accompanying them, so she was probably where she needed to be at that moment.

  
Dirk pushed the door to the shop open, the bell ringing from overhead. Todd heard his cheerful, “Hi!” from inside.  
He began to follow Dirk, but something twitched at the back of his neck, and he turned around, just in time for a sudden rush of air to burst past his face, and into the windows of the shop, which exploded inward, prompting shouts from inside and throwing Todd backward onto the sidewalk.

  
He lay there stunned for a moment, cataloging his own body to make sure that this was real, really real, and not just a pararibulitis attack. It wasn’t, so Todd scrambled to his feet.

  
“Dirk!”

  
He pushed the door open. Well, attempted to, anyway. The door mostly just fell over into a pile of shattered glass. Todd stepped over it, the rubber soles of his sneakers crunching on broken hard candy.

  
“Are you okay?” he said, catching sight of a figure standing in the middle of the blackened candy store.

  
The shopkeeper was staring with wide eyes and open mouth and the ruins of their shop, and Dirk was standing near the counter, dripping with melted chocolate and looking very surprised.

  
“My shirt,” he managed.

  
“My store!” the shopkeeper said.

  
Todd came over to him, examining his friend, feeling an overwhelming swell of relief when Dirk didn’t seem to be hurt, just bemused.

  
“What happened?” Todd asked.

  
“Boosh!” Dirk exclaimed. He turned to the store owner. “Do you have any enemies?”

  
“What?” the store owner said, “I sell candy, man!”

  
Dirk shrugged. “It’s a fair question.” He looked at Todd conspiratorially. “That’s what Farah always asks. It’s good detective work, right, Todd?”

  
“Sure,” Todd agreed, still trying to take in the amount of damage that had been done to the candy.

  
“Have you noticed an acceleration of strangeness in your life as of late?” Dirk says, leaning over the counter to peer at the shop owner, who was turning the same shade of pink as the ruined shirt.

  
“Get out of my store!”

  
Todd grabbed Dirk by the arm and dragged him out.

  
“Sorry about your candy!” Dirk called.

  
“What’s all this about?” Todd asked once they were safely on the pavement.

  
“Y’know, Todd, I’m starting to think that all of these destroyed stores are connected.”

  
“You’re joking, right?” Todd said. “Of course they’re connected.”

  
“Yes, I know, everything is connected, Todd, but these seem to be even more connected than normal events typically are. Now, I have no idea why this would be, but I can assure you that I will do my best to solve this case before any more shops are destroyed—."

  
“Shut up,” Todd said.

  
Dirk looked affronted. “Todd, what have we said about rudeness?”

  
“No, Dirk, be quiet!” Todd held up a hand to shush the other man as the strange feeling prickled at the back of his neck again. “Get down!”

  
He threw himself on top of Dirk, knocking them both down just in time for a mailbox to explode three feet away.

  
Dirk’s shriek was muffled in Todd’s chest as he flailed underneath him. Todd raised his head cautiously, taking in the white flurry of letters that were drifting down onto the pavement.

  
“Damn it!” A voice said from behind them.

  
Todd looked over his shoulder to see a short man dressed in white aiming a crossbow at them.

  
“That’s the third time I’ve missed!” the guy said, “I’m getting rusty. That’s it. It’s time to hit the gym again, and I’m gonna be consistent this time!”

  
“Excuse me,” said Dirk, who had since stopped screaming, “Are you trying to kill us?”

  
The guy’s mouth dropped, and he quickly tried to conceal his crossbow behind his back. “Uh. No? You can see me?”

  
“A short man with a lethal weapon? Yes, we can.”

  
Dirk marched up to the other man, who looked panicked. He jumped back, and two large white wings burst from his shoulder blades, propelling him up in the air.

  
He glanced back. “Shoot.”

  
“Cupid?” Dirk asked, his nose wrinkling.

  
“No!” Cupid said, “Well, yes. But that’s a stupid name. Call me Eros. The Love God.”

  
“Yes, because that’s a thing,” Dirk said, looking to Todd and rolling his eyes.

  
“No offense, man, but why are you trying to hunt us down?” Todd asked Eros.

  
“I’ve been trying to hit you with an arrow all day!” Eros complained. “And I keep missing! I never miss! I never miss anyone I’m supposed to hit, anyway.”

  
“Like Bart!” Dirk exclaimed.

  
“Who?” Eros asked.

  
“Never mind,” Todd said. “Look, all you’re really doing is destroying a lot of shops that are just trying to do business on Valentine’s day, so could you give it a rest? Besides, neither of us have anyone to be in love with.”

  
Eros stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Oh, that’s rich, Todd Brotzman. You think I’d be this worried about you if it was a useless endeavor? Dirk knows what I’m talking about.”

  
“Dirk?” Todd looked at the other man, whose eyes had widened considerably.

  
“Dirk,” Eros confirmed, “The only reason I would miss is if I wasn’t needed anymore, which I know is definitely not the case because…” He eyed Todd more closely, then whistled. “Now I know why I couldn’t hit you.”

  
“What are you talking about?” Todd asked.

  
“What I don’t understand is how the flower shop got destroyed.” Dirk pointed out, “We were nowhere near it when it blew up.”

  
Eros shrugged. “I missed really badly.” He folded his crossbow up, and saluted. “Well, duty calls! See ya, Brotzly.”

  
The Love God shot up into the air, disappearing into the clouds.

  
“Brotzly?” Todd asked, “What the hell does that mean?”

  
“Look. Todd.” Dirk wrung his hands. “I may know why Eros was hunting you. Well, not hunting you, per say. But after you. Um. It may be because it’s Valentine’s day, and, well, I feel as if I need to tell you something, but it’s completely fine if you don’t feel the same way, I won’t ever mention it again, and you might never want to speak to me again, but that’s my fault, you shouldn’t feel guilty about—”

  
“Dirk!” Todd exclaimed, catching him by the shoulders. “Stop spiraling. Just say it. I promise I won’t be mad.”

  
Dirk winced. “It’s just… well… I like you, Todd.”

  
“Yeah?” Todd said, “I like you, too.”

  
“No, Todd, like…” Dirk exhaled through his teeth. “Like.”

  
Todd stared at him, and everything left in a rush, leaving only the feeling his heart beating and Dirk’s eyes, which weren’t looking at him, as if he was already afraid of what Todd was going to say, but Todd already knew that he didn’t have to say anything.

  
Instead, he pulled him in gently, and caught up Dirk’s lips with his own.

  
It was just a few seconds, one ethereal moment in time where everything seemed to slot into place in Todd’s chest as he pulled back.

  
“I know,” he said, “Like.”

  
“Oh,” Dirk said, and then: “Oh.” He smiled. “Solved it.”


End file.
